The Lioness Parody
by king's-own-knight
Summary: The title says it all. This is a parody of the Song of the Lioness books. I know it's not very original. please read and review
1. Alanna: The First Adventure

Okay, this is my first fic, so I hope you like it. Flames are welcome.

I don't own the plot characters or anything else. Blah, blah, blah…..

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Alanna: I wanna be a knight. Ladies suck!

Thom: I wanna blow people up with my awesome magic stuff! Mwahahaha!

Alanna: Let's come up with an impossible plan that will of course work because we have mad skills

Thom; Sounds like fun.

Lord Alan: I'm an old creepy guy.

Maude: I'm a creepy witch lady!

Thom: Ya, whatever, just stick our hands into the fire and stuff.

Maude: Okay you can go.

Maude: Heal people! Heal all you can!

Alanna: Okay, that was random.

Thom: Im wearing a dress!

Alanna: Im riding to the palace! Ladedadeda!

Coram: Holy crap! It's you!

Alanna: hehehe…

Coram: since I am now completely drunk, you can be a knight.

Alanna: I'm gonna skip around like an idiot now.

Coram: Whatever.

Duke Gareth: Yo what up? Alan, I am going to pretend I don't like you here.

Alanna: Okaaaaaaaaaaay

Ralon: You suck!

Alanna: Up yours!

Jon: Im going to now order everyone around.

Alanna: whatever.

Raoul: Aw… I don't get to beat Ralon up in this scene.

Gary: Because I am of no real importance, I shall be your sponser.

Alanna: Okay.

Math teacher: Here is some algebra. Go do it!

Alanna: That sucks

Combat teacher: Learn to fight!

Alanna: Owww

Alanna: We're leaving.

Coram: Haha your running away!

Alanna: Fine Ill stay

Duke Gareth: Your dad sucks

Alanna: Ya, I know.

Duke Gareth: Oh yea, you can go to the market.

George: Hey Alan

Gary: You're a thief.

George: So?

Alanna: Okay, that's cool

Jon: We're off to see the thief! The wonderful thief of Corus!

Alanna: shut up Jon

George: Wow, I don't like Jon. Oh, here's a horse Alan

Alanna: Cool.

Ralon: I'm gonna beat you up!

Alanna: As if.

Coram: Haha, you look funny.

Raoul: Im gonna kill Ralon.

Ralon: Ow…

Alanna: Teach me how to fight.

George: Okay.

Alanna: Haha I have beaten you!

Ralon: What the crap? Your supposed to be weak! That's it Im leaving.

Sklaw: Here's a sword. Whack that other page with it.

Alanna: Wahhhhhh this is hard.

Sklaw: You suck.

Alanna: Shut up

Coram: Jon's dying

Alanna: Yay! I mean crap.

a/n; francis dyed earlier, but he wasn't important enough to put in.

Myles: Everybody get out!

Everybody: Why?

Myles: Cause Alan made me get you out.

Everybody: Oh, okay.

Alanna: Ahhhh! I shall heal you!

Jon: Wow, Alan sounds like a girl! Oh well it's probably not important.

Roger: I have come to teach you magic.

Alanna : I don't like you.

Roger: Well, you suck.

Myles: Let's go to my possibly dangerous and magical ruins

Alanna: Fun

Alanna: look at this totally wicked sword!

Myles: Come back!

Alanna: As if!

Sklaw: fight Alan, so I can laugh at you!

Alanna: That's what you think

Sklaw: Wow your good!

Alanna: Wow, I'm good!

Duke Gareth: Let's go to the desert!

Roger: the perfect opportunity to kill Jon.

Gareth: Wha?

Roger: nothing.

Jon: Let's go to that city everyone said not to go to!

Alanna: Okay!

Ysandir: We are awesome! Mwahahahaha!

Alanna: Up yours!

Ysandir: oh yea?

Alanna: Ah my clothes are gone!

Jon: WTH? Alan's a girl?

Ysandir: Ah we're dying!

Alanna: cool

Alanna: I don't like your cousin.

Jon: so? Wanna be my squire?

Alanna: Oh okay.

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so... did you like it? please review! I need 3 reviews before I do another chapter!


	2. In the Hand of the Goddess

I still don't own anything, and all that stuff….

Thank you Pink Eraser for your review. Its supposed to be retarded lol.

Anyways, on to chapter 2!

Alanna: ladedadeda. I'm riding through the woods!

Alanna: Hey horsey, lets go sit under the creepy tree!

Moonlight: I have a freakin name you know!

Alanna: Hey look! A kitty! Hehehe!

Faithful: Aw crap. I have to protect her?

Goddess: Yea, haha.

Alanna: Holy freakin crap! It's the goddess!

Goddess: Ya, now here are the things you need to know: Roger is evil, Jon's annoying, and pickles are good.

Alanna: Okay dats cool

Raoul: cool, a cat.

Jon: You should name it Jon

Gary: Why would Alan name it after you?

Jon: Cause I'm me.

Alanna: Um, I'll call him Faithful

Faithful; This whole seen is about me and nobody has even asked me what my name is! I can freakin talk you know!

Alanna: Huh?

Dain: I rule! Tortall sucks!

Gary: Up yours!

Alanna: Hey that's my expression.

Jon: Let's make Alan fight this possibly dangerous knight for our own personal amusement!

Gary: Sounds cool.

Dain: Arrrrrrg. I shall kill you!

Alanna: as if!

Dain; You suck!

Alanna: I shall totally creep you out here by not insulting you.

Dain: Creepy.

Alanna: I win! I am like soooooooo awesome!

Dain: Shut up.

Myles: you shoulda killed him.

Alanna: I know. That sucks.

Gary: I shall now drag you out to meet the new girl.

Alanna: I don't want to.

Gary: Too bad.

Jon: Ladedadeda! We're off to war.

Alanna: Why did I agree to be your squire?

Jon: Cause you love me.

Alanna: Suuuuuuure I do.

Alanna: Waaaaaaaaaaaah. How did I get captured with these 2 other random dudes?

Random dude 1(I forgot his name and I'm too lazy to look it up): Um, I dunno

Alanna: Wow, do you think Roger could have done this?

Random dude 2: No

Alanna: Your probably right

Jon: I'll save you Alanna!

Gary: Who's Alanna?

Alanna: Nobody! Nobody ya hear!

Raoul: oooooooookay

Alanna: Ladedadeda! Im ice skating!

Alex: How could this happen? The author completely left me out until now!

Jon: So?

Alanna: Ahhhhhhhhh Im drowning!

Jon: haha

Jon: I love you.

Alanna: Ew……………..

Alanna: hey Gary guess what

Gary: What?

Alanna: Im a girl.

Gary: Oh that's cool.

Alanna: Hey, cool stone room!

Chamber: your weird

Alanna: So? Are you done yet?

Chamber: No watch this.

Alanna: oooooooooooookay

Alanna: Aw……… look at the cute little dolls!

Faithful: Hurry up.

Alanna: Hey king dude! Roger is evil.

Roald: Okay, um, fight him!

Roger: Ahhhhhhhhh I shall kill you!

Alanna: as if!

Roger: Ah! You're a girl!

Alanna: this sucks!

Raoul: holy crap! WTH?

Roger: Ah! Im dying.

Alanna: haha

Well end of this chapter. I need reviews! The next chapter might be kinda short. Woman who rides like a man was my least favorite. See ya later peoples!


	3. Woman Who Rides Like a Man

Um, ya, chapter 3!

Alanna: Ladedadeda! We're riding through the desert!

Coram: Why did I come with you?

Alanna: Um, I dunno

Hill dude: Ahg! We shall kill you!

Alanna: As if!

Hill Dude: Haha I killed your sword

Alanna: Noooooooo! Not my totally wicked sword with the glowy thing!

Hill Dude: Ahhhh! I'm dying!

Coram: Good for you.

Halef Seif: Northern People, what the hell are you doing here?

Alanna: Um, I dunno

Halef Seif: Okay now I will invite you to dinner.

Coram: Cool

Kara: Everybody shut up so we can talk to the crazy lady

Alanna: I heard that!

Koureem: So?

Alanna: Shut up!

Ishak: As if!

Alanna: THAT'S MY EXPRESSION!

Kara: ooooooooooooookay, anyway come eat with our people so our crazy old shaman dude can try to kill you.

Alanna: okay

shaman guy: You suck

Alanna: up yours!

Shaman guy: somebody kill her

The dude who fights her aka TDWFH: Die crazy lady!

Alanna: As if! I have beaten you with my totally mad skills!

TDWFH: crap

Halef Seif: okay, now you are one of the weird desert people

Alanna: dats cool

shaman guy: ladedadeda! I'm making dangerous signs in the sand

Alanna: As if!

Shaman guy: Ah! The crazy lady killed me!

Alanna: haha

Jon: Hey, Alanna. Wanna marry me?

Alanna: As if!

Jon: You suck!

Alanna: Up yours!

Alanna: Hey George guess what?

George: What?

Alanna: Jon sucks!

George: Um, you just realized that?

Alanna: Shut up


	4. Lioness Rampant

Well, hey people! I update fast don't I? Anywho…

Pink Eraser- Yea it's supposed to be retarded.

Crazy pineapple lady- Thank you sooooo much!

x17SkmBdrchiczxxx- Yea I'm gonna at least do a Protecter one, not sure about the Immortals though…

sooo… thanks for the reviews people!

Just a warning, I haven't read Rampant in a while, so sorry if I leave stuff out!

stable boy: Holy crap! There's a freakin lady knight out there!

Inn guy: Like OMG!

Alanna: whatever

Liam: Hey I'm gonna be really annoying and flirt with you

Alanna: Piss off

Liam: As if!

Alanna: How many times do I have to tell you frekin people, THAT'S MY EXPRESSION!

Liam: whatever

Alanna: Ladedadeda We're riding through a dangerous foreign country!

Liam: Why did I come with you?

Coram: My thoughts exactly

Buri: I rule so Im gonna use my totally mad skills to beat you

Alanna: crap

Thayet: haha

Liam: Why don't you come with us cause Alanna's cooking sucks

Alanna: I resent that!

Coram: Good for you

Alanna: I'm gonna climb that really tall and dangerous mountain!

Liam: Like hell you are!

Alanna: up yours!

Raoul: Wow, I actually get to be in a scene!

Alanna: Haha

Raoul: The king is dead and Thom made Roger come back to life

Alanna: Crap

George: Um, ya, I'm back and Liam you suck.

Liam: Up yours

Raoul: Has anybody noticed I play chess a lot?

Jon: Hey Alanna, wanna be Champion?

Alanna: Um, no.

Jon: To bad.

Alanna: Well you suck.

Jon: I'm gonna be king, I'm gonna be king!

Alanna: Shut up Jon

Person from Alex's fief aka PFAF: Die Jon!

Alanna: Holy crap, Thom's dying!

Jon: so?

Thom: Ah… I'm dying!

Alanna: Finally!

Thom: shut up

Alex: Die!

Alanna: As if!

Alex: Ow…

Roger: I shall rule the world! Mwahahahaha!

Alanna: Dude, you got problems.

Roger: Well you have red hair!

Alanna: Just for that I'm gonna shoot my sword at you!

Roger: That's rude

Alanna: So?

Jon: Liam's dead

Alanna: Yes!

Jon: And I'm King.

Alanna: Crap!

Jon: Hey!

George: You know what sucks?

Alanna: Wha?

George: Jon was in this series more than me!

Alanna: Ya that sucks

George: Wanna marry me?

Alanna: Okay, dats cool.


	5. Author's Note

Okay, reviews! Just so you know, I think I will have at least First Test done this weekend. Well it's Tuesday but whatever. Long weekend, yay! Okay, thank you for reviewing!

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i like cheese and cows- yea carly they can't read it. I don't think anyone would anyway.

mind-your-own-beeswax- stop trying to sound smart manasa

Haven- Oh sorry! I did that with a lot of stuff. Like Alex.

Mage of Dragons- Yea, I know it's retarded, and does that inside joke have anything to do with Owen?

wildace keladry2005- Yea I'm going to do the Protecter one as soon as I can.

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Since all you people have been tellingme to do a Protecter of the Small parody, you better read and review it!

Pickles to you all

-king's-own-knight


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